Chapter 01
They say if you walk by the river often enough, your shoes are bound to get wet.
Well, Weibo is exactly like that river—and it’s full of bugs.
Fang Ying had already "almost gotten caught" switching accounts multiple times because of some glitchy bugs on Weibo, but luck was always on his side; somehow, he managed to get through each close call without losing his spot. Pure dumb luck mixed with some sneaky bluffing.
Fang Ying was obedient and careful—he handled his own Weibo account personally. Except for business ads (his assistant took care of those), even during promotions, he was hands-on with every interaction.
This drama he was filming with Xu Qiuluo was blowing up bigger than anyone expected. During airing, he had no choice but to cozy up and interact with every co-star, especially the male lead, Xu Qiuluo. Their on-screen and online “sweet” interactions were basically shameless levels of flirty.
Fang Ying knew every time he “sweet-talked” Xu Qiuluo online, it was like stabbing Big Cucumber madam right in the back.
But hey, it was work.
Never could count as betrayal!
That’s how Fang Ying comforted his conscience: “It’s all just playacting, sister, you better not hate me, okay?”
But—every single time—his secret account would immediately be flooded with Big Cucumber’s raging, fiery circle-of-friends posts.
“White Lotus.”
“Like, seriously, he can’t live if he's not trending?!”
“The look in his eyes when he looks at our Luo is practically screaming “I’m coming out!” in giant letters across his face.”
“Damn it! Does Fang Ying still have any dignity left?!”
Once, Big Cucumber even tagged Fang Ying directly:
“Hey sis, did you catch today’s variety show? That white lotus Fang said our LuoLuo treats him all gentle and doting, I’m so mad I wanna puke! That smelly shameless white lotus, when has LuoLuo ever been gentle with him?? LuoLuo’s love and doting are reserved for our ZongZong, okay?! Who the hell does he think he is—some little cookie?? This little dog is driving me crazy, sis, come join me in roasting him!”
Fang Ying got the tag while eating lunch. Everyone cramped together, shoveling in their boxed meals.
His phone shook in his hand, and—bam!—a rib slipped straight into Xu Qiuluo’s lunchbox. Fang Ying was about to freak and reclaim it, but Xu had already picked it up and happily chomped it, grinning at him like an idiot:
“Thanks, man.”
Xu Zong rolled his eyes and teased:
“Can you two cut it out? I’m about to become a shipper here!”
Xu Qiuluo’s eyes squinted mischievously and he laughed openly.
Fang Ying screamed:
“Zong-ge! That’s NOT okay!!!”
Fang had zero appetite left. He whipped out his secret account and fired off a reply to Big Cucumber:
“Sis, don’t you think this was just a clever editing trick? Fang Ying wouldn’t stoop that low, right?”
Big Cucumber instantly hit back with eight hundred fiery words:
“What do you mean? You always call him Fang White Lotus! Since when did you start calling him Fang Ying? Getting that friendly—what’s that about? You’re making me look like I’m slandering Fang White Lotus? Didn’t you watch this episode? I suggest you watch it properly! No editor can splice clips THAT perfectly! Those were Fang White Lotus's own words, okay? Sis, you’ve been acting weird lately. People who don’t know you might think you’re cheating.”
Fang Ying’s lips went numb.
“You're overthinking! How could I cheat? Fang Ying will always be a white lotus. Sister, I love you forever! Can’t wait for your next fanfic. Mwah.”
Big Cucumber shot back:
“New fic dropping tonight! Mwah.”
One wave settles, another storm brews.
Just as that crisis had passed, that night Xu Qiuluo made another post on Weibo and even tagged Fang Ying. The first thing Fang Ying saw was a photo—taken by a staff member from their team—of the moment at lunch when his piece of pork rib had fallen into Xu Qiuluo’s lunchbox.
Xu Qiuluo, holding the rib between his teeth, smiling with eyes curved in delight. Fang Ying, head down staring at his phone, chopsticks hovering over Xu’s lunchbox.
Obviously a total accident—but with that perfect shot angle, it looked like Fang was “feeding” Xu Qiuluo!
Xu posted the pic and captioned it:
“Thanks to Fang Little Ying for the food delivery Σ(▽ )”
His assistant buzzed him: “Manager says you gotta repost and respond!”
No matter how much he wanted to scream NOOOOOOO—Fang had to bite the bullet.
This is work! The dirty, ugly world of grown-ups! Please, Big Cucumber madam, take a break from the net and don’t see this post!!!
Fang Ying’s mind was exploding as he copied the manager’s scripted response and logged in to repost:
“Thanks Luo-ge for always looking out for me. Eat well and keep up the good work!”
Copy, paste, repost—seamless like a pro.
If no bugs popped up, this would’ve been smooth sailing…
But then...
“???????”
“!!!!!!”
“What the heck is going on???”
“Miss Luo-that-Zong WTF kinda freaky move is this??”
You see, “Luo-that-Zong” was Fang Ying’s secret account name—flamboyant, flashy, and about as subtle as a neon sign in a blackout.
Fang stared at the screen filled with LuoZong shippers, stunned into silence. It took a good long while for the verbal fog to clear.
Fang Ying: “Aaaahhhhhh!!!! Help meeeee!!!!”
Big Cucumber had just finished writing a chapter and went online, only to see Fang’s repost pop up. She was so salty she nearly died of old pickle spice, directly messaging Fang with intimidation: “What do you mean by this???”
Fang Ying pretended not to see and calmly reposted the same line under his own Weibo post: “I bet my next cucumber that Fang White Lotus will repost LuoLuo’s posts with this tone later.”
Big Cucumber’s message flew back instantly: “2333333333 I’m totally zen now. I swear I thought you were cheating! Scared me half to death! You mimic Fang White Lotus’s style way too well. Sis, I hereby crown you Fang Ying of the LuoZong fandom!”
Fang Ying replied casually: “You flatter me.”
Big Cucumber added: “I was gonna update, but I’m in a bad mood today—gonna take a break first, sharing early with you sis.”
Fang Ying: “Meow (^O^)”
Later, a few close calls almost exposed Fang, but his low emotional intelligence was saved by good luck and a solid brain. Plus most of his followers in the LuoZong fandom barely knew him beyond his dark rumors, so they didn’t suspect much. He escaped every time by the skin of his teeth.
Some times, he even lucked out—scoring a peek at several unreleased steamy chapters from Big Cucumber herself, leaving Fang grinning like a cat in sunshine.
But cause and effect cut both ways…
Fang’s last close call was a doozy—and Weibo was the real culprit this time.
Fang loved dogs more than life. Everyone, fans and haters alike, knew that. He had a husky named Big Chunk—a literal big chunk of dog. Usually locked in his cage by the housekeeper for safety.
One day after work, Fang came home to find what looked like a tornado had ripped through his mansion. Total disaster.
Big Chunk sat there happily licking his tongue, covered in ink.
Fang lost it and took a close-up selfie, posting with the caption: “Big Chunk’s in my hands now. How should I cook this dog meat?”
The moment he posted, he realized something was terribly wrong—his Weibo profile picture wasn’t his face… it was Xu Qiuluo’s.
Fang Ying: ( ﾟ皿ﾟ)
Oh no.
Oh, hell noooo!!!!
He nearly fainted and frantically deleted the post—but Big Cucumber was faster.
Seeing her avatar pop up in his DM list, Fang’s first thought… was to die.
Shaking, he opened her messages.
Big Cucumber: “!!!! Luo-that-Zong, where are you??? Get out here right now!!”
Big Cucumber: “Are you crazy??? How did you get in there???”
Big Cucumber: “Wait… Big Chunk isn’t Fang Ying’s dog, right??? Tell me it’s not, don’t do anything stupid!!”
Big Cucumber: “I know Fang White Lotus is awful, but we can’t do stalker stuff! That’s a crime, dude!! Are you nuts?? You broke into his house, and you’re gonna eat his dog?? Are you even human???”
Big Cucumber: “You’re acting way too obsessive. LuoLuo wouldn’t want you like this. I’m really worried. Please get out of Fang Ying’s place now.”
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