Chapter 06
Ah, the female heart—more mysterious than a needle at the bottom of the sea.
A fangirl’s heart? That’s like a needle at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Deep, complicated, and hard as heck to pin down.
Big Cucumber was switching “walls” (yes, the dreaded “cheating” on one ship for another) at lightning speed lately. But given her clout, only a close sister in the circle knew about it, “Luo-that-Zong”... that is, Fang Ying himself.
According to Big Cucumber, wall-hopping must never be public. Publicly climbing walls means getting roasted alive by your own fandom, hunted down to the bone, and basically danced on at your grave.
So she opened a secret side account just dedicated to stalking Fang Ying.
The second day after she opened that side account, Fang Ying messaged her:
“I still don’t get it—why’d you suddenly jump walls like that?”
Big Cucumber’s reply was chill: “Do fangirls need a reason to jump walls?”
Fang Ying: …
Mixed feelings of confusion and worry, he pressed on: “So... no more writing? Will you come back after wall-jumping? Still love LuoZong?”
Big Cucumber: “My heart’s still for LuoZong, but since today, I’m also that one little Ying-ying superfan. I’m still a LuoZong shipper, but officially a Xiao Ying-only fan too.”
Fang Ying, deep in fangirl culture, blurted: “Does this kind of love even really exist?”
Big Cucumber ignored that and persuaded him: “Huai Huai, I can sense you’re not that hostile to your cousin. Otherwise, I wouldn’t dare tell you about my wall-hopping. So, why don’t you open a side account too? We’ll fangirl over LuoZong and your cousin together!”
Fang Ying imagined all those fangirls spamming his main account with edits of himself and nearly shivered.
“No thanks,” he said, “You gotta understand, how am I supposed to face a woman who spends her days reposting my cousin’s perfectly edited pics, one day calling him ‘husband of my dreams,’ then the next day whining, ‘Sorry baby son, didn’t give you the best support, forgive me’—a downright bipolar fangirl.”
Big Cucumber agreed: “True, with you on the homepage, I will feel a little restrained myself.”
Fang asked: “Restrained how?”
She confessed: “Sometimes I repost a few steamy little Ying shower pics… you seeing that makes me kinda awkward (๑‧́ ₃ ‧̀๑).”
Fang: 凸
Finally, after assuring Fang Ying that the LuoZong fanfic would still go on, Big Cucumber announced she’d log off and go to her side account. She left with a bittersweet, nearly theatrical farewell:
“May the green hills remain, and the clear waters flow forever. Huai Huai, we shall meet again.”
Big Cucumber’s wall-hopping left Fang Ying genuinely sad for days. But soon, work slammed him hard.
Filming Feng Yue Dao. Commercial shoots. Endless promos and activities. So crushed was he that even his main account barely got updated for more than half a month.
Mid-May, his agent hooked Fang up with an outdoor reality show.
By then, the show was already in its 4th season. The previous seasons had been huge hits, gaining stellar reputations. The production team wanted Fang for his market value—and, of course, his current popularity.
After sealing the deal, his agent sniffed around about the other confirmed participants. Three were rising young stars this year; the veteran “big brother” of the group? None other than… Xu Zong.
It was Fang Ying’s first foray into this type of show. On day one at the filming location, he jumped and bounced around the fields like a puppy.
Xu Zong, watching from afar, shook his head. “He really looks like a dog.”
By day three, Fang was already wiped out.
Slowest completing missions, sunburnt to the point of peeling—he was melting down, picking oranges while desperately buttering up the scriptwriter:
“If I finish this basket in ten minutes, can I sleep in an air-conditioned room tonight?”
The camera loved it, zooming in sharp. When the episode aired, this moment got a massive close-up.
Wearing a tattered straw hat, with sun-rosy cheeks, his eyebrows knitted in a grumpy frown… yet forcing a fake smile for the camera.
An ugly face, but somehow it charmed a bunch of new fans. Go figure.
Midway through filming, the show announced everyone was getting partners—mostly other company artists, including some rumored couples.
Xu Zong’s partner? One of the company’s hottest new fresh faces.
Fang Ying? Naturally stuck with Xu Qiuluo, his closest ally.
When Fang heard this on Monday, he started counting down the days and pacing with nervous excitement.
Finally, the day before Xu Qiuluo arrived, Fang snuck into Xu Zong’s room at night.
Xu Zong: “?”
To keep things real, the show boasted continuous video and audio surveillance—even overnight monitoring in the rooms.
Fang wasted no time: “Zong-ge, my toilet won’t flush. Can I use yours?”
Xu Zong: “Go ahead.”
Less than three minutes later, Fang yelled again: “Zong-ge, bring me some toilet paper!”
Xu Zong obeyed, handing it over.
Suddenly Fang flung open the door, yanked him inside, and whispered like a secret agent:
“No time. Cut the small talk. Where’s your phone? Lend it to me—I gotta send a message.”
Next morning, new partners arrived.
While everyone else slept in, Fang stood at the top of the village hill.
The crew’s cars couldn’t get in, so they stopped below.
Xu Qiuluo got off, felt a blazing stare locked on him. Looking up, there was Fang—sun-darkened, standing aloof on the hilltop, barely processing it all.
Xu pulled his luggage, stared at him a while, then waved: “Fang Ying!”
Finally snapping back, Fang shouted “Luo-ge!” with all the feels and barreled down like an arrow.
Xu dropped his bags and reached out.
Fang crashed into his arms, knocking Xu back a good step.
Xu hugged him tight, about to complain “Ow, my back!” when Fang whispered rapidly in his ear:
“Did you bring everything?”
Xu: …
This was definitely a secret agent meet-up now.
The day before filming, Xu unpacked and got a message from Fang: “Luo-ge, my beloved idol—you know this show’s terrible, they withhold food if you fail the mission. I’m so miserable. Knowing you’re coming tomorrow comforts me. Can you sneak in some snacks? Stinky tofu from Taiping Street would be a luxury, but please smuggle some Wang Wang gift boxes or something. I’m hungry.”
Xu’s reply? Just one word: “...Buzz off!”
Then he sighed, pulled half his clothes out, and stuffed all sorts of snacks inside.
Of course, the snacks didn’t make it past the gates. On the uphill walk, the crew confiscated every pack into baskets, tossing them from one hand to another—Xu’s face twisting in rage.
Once inside, Fang asked: “There isn't anything left?”
Xu Qiuluo spread his hands at him, showing that he definitely wasn’t hiding anything.
Xu soothed: “Isn’t it that the better you complete the tasks, the better you get to eat? Tomorrow I’ll make sure you eat your fill!”
Fang: “Ahhhhh, my idol is the sweetest in the universe!”
The shoot took place in the village. The mission: pairs had to find and collect mission cards scattered on a route, then get stamps, and return to the start to get lunch. Five lunches for five teams. The faster you finish, the better the food and the earlier to rest.
The mission trail was far; the crew didn’t require them to walk. Anyone who got there first had more time for collecting cards; as long as you didn't use the crew’s cars, they didn’t care what else you rode.
Over breakfast, Fang munched a steamed bun and said to Xu: “Luo-ge, sorry for last time—I didn’t catch that mission well, I owe you the bun. I swear I’ll work hard!”
Xu took a sip of water: “Eat before talking.”
Fang smiled dumbly, swallowed: “Don’t worry. We’ll be first today. I borrowed a mule from the neighbor since this village has no horses. No way anyone else can get here faster!”
Before leaving, Xu looked… at the mule beside them, while others had little electric scooters.
Xu: …
Fang: “Impossible! The neighbor said he’s the only one with a mule.”
Xu Zong: “Yeah, everyone else rides scooters.”
Fang just frowned and whispered to Xu: “Sorry...”
Xu patted the mule and then Fang’s head: “You can ride it if you want. I’ll walk.”
Fang yelled, “No, Luo-ge! That’s still faster than walking!”
Xu said no. Fang was too embarrassed to ride alone. So they walked together.
By the time they got there, it was past ten. They found the mission cards in 10 minutes.
The task was simple: use a talent to get ten yuan from any passerby.
Fang felt guilty and volunteered. Xu sat under a tree, watching him zigzag in the road.
Now Xu understood what Xu Zong meant in a WeChat message: “Fang Ying here looks exactly like a Chinese rural dog.”
The sun was high, Fang was drenched in sweat, constantly pulling at his t-shirt.
When Xu almost couldn’t watch anymore and wanted to say “Let's change,” luck struck: Fang found a kind middle-aged aunt.
The aunt was chill: “Sing a pop song. Just one line.”
What pop song?!
Fang tiredly replied, “Okay…”
Fang was not happy from the praise. Holding the ten yuan, he snapped: “Luo-ge! Stop laughing! I can hear you!”
After the mission, they returned. The other four teams were already eating.
Fang, having only had a bun for breakfast, looked at the dishes like a starving wolf and bolted to Xu Zong’s table shouting, “Zong-ge!”
Xu Qiuluo grabbed his collar and yanked him back: “Could you have some dignity?”
Fang: Ծ‸Ծ
Since they finished last, lunch was sad: two buns and a bowl of plain rice porridge each.
The other four teams got a break; these two had punishment.
Xu asked: “What’s the punishment?”
Xu Zong: “Feeding pigs.”
Xu Qiuluo stuffed a bun in his mouth: “Then Fang Ying can go alone. He loves pig-raising anyway.”
Fang: …
“Luo-ge…”
Afternoon, the ten of them headed out to pick oranges again.
Fang had just fed the pigs and was so hungry he could barely walk straight.
Xu peeled some oranges and offered one.
Fang tried to refuse: “No, Luo-ge, I can’t eat these. Picking three baskets is still a mission. If I eat too much, I’ll slow you down.”
Xu smirked: “With your speed, even if you don’t eat any oranges, we’d still be the worst team.”
Fang: …
After a long day, dinner was plain. Fang and Xu barely had anything; Xu Zong, feeling sorry, slipped them half his chicken.
Fang cried happy tears: “My Zong-ge’s such a good guy! Best ever!”
Xu Qiuluo paused with his chopsticks, then dumped all the remaining chicken into Fang Ying’s bowl.
Fang tiredly replied, “Okay…”
“‘Oh right, you’ve got to sing it in Minnan dialect—that’s the only way it has flavor,’ the auntie insisted.
Fang Ying’s eyes went wide, while behind him, out of sight, Xu Qiuluo was laughing so hard he could barely breathe.
Half a second later, Fang Ying gave up, and in a voice as thin as a mosquito’s buzz, he began:
‘Three suns up, seven moons down, quack-quack love song, la-la-la～’”
Fang was not happy from the praise. Holding the ten yuan, he snapped: “Luo-ge! Stop laughing! I can hear you!”
After the mission, they returned. The other four teams were already eating.
Fang, having only had a bun for breakfast, looked at the dishes like a starving wolf and bolted to Xu Zong’s table shouting, “Zong-ge!”
Xu Qiuluo grabbed his collar and yanked him back: “Could you have some dignity?”
Fang: Ծ‸Ծ
Since they finished last, lunch was sad: two buns and a bowl of plain rice porridge each.
The other four teams got a break; these two had punishment.
Xu asked: “What’s the punishment?”
Xu Zong: “Feeding pigs.”
Xu Qiuluo stuffed a bun in his mouth: “Then Fang Ying can go alone. He loves pig-raising anyway.”
Fang: …
“Luo-ge…”
Afternoon, the ten of them headed out to pick oranges again.
Fang had just fed the pigs and was so hungry he could barely walk straight.
Xu peeled some oranges and offered one.
Fang tried to refuse: “No, Luo-ge, I can’t eat these. Picking three baskets is still a mission. If I eat too much, I’ll slow you down.”
Xu smirked: “With your speed, even if you don’t eat any oranges, we’d still be the worst team.”
Fang: …
After a long day, dinner was plain. Fang and Xu barely had anything; Xu Zong, feeling sorry, slipped them half his chicken.
Fang cried happy tears: “My Zong-ge’s such a good guy! Best ever!”
Xu Qiuluo paused with his chopsticks, then dumped all the remaining chicken into Fang Ying’s bowl.
Several days in, Fang still couldn’t get used to this village life.
The mosquitoes kept him tossing in bed at night. Xu got up, lit some mosquito coils, and set them near the bed.
He wanted to cover Fang up, but noticed the camera. So he just slept back himself.
Around midnight, Fang Ying got up to use the bathroom. When he came back, he just couldn’t fall asleep, tossing and turning like a fish on the bed. After about five minutes of that, he felt the person beside him roll over—and suddenly wrap the whole blanket around him.
Luo-ge actually sleeps like this!!!
Is that even acceptable?!
Fang Ying almost burst out laughing, but just then he suddenly felt, under the blanket, Xu Qiuluo quickly tucking the corner of the quilt around him.
Weirdly, Fang’s heart jumped, sensing Xu might actually still be awake.
He whispered: “Luo-ge?”
A very soft “Hmm” came back.
“What are you doing?”
Xu whispered: “You got mosquito bites earlier, right? Wrap up tight.”
Fang chuckled stupidly.
Xu fumbled under the pillow, then slipped his hand under the blanket.
Fang felt Xu’s hand enter and lightly grab his.
He almost pushed it away—but Xu beat him to it, slipping something into his palm.
Fang: “?”
“Rice crackers. I snuck them in, kept them in my pocket so crew wouldn’t find. Eat up.” Xu whispered near his ear.
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